Friday, March 19, 2010
Thinly Veiled Contempt
There's something about Springs' warm breeze that makes me love New York again. It isn't the slow lazy love that I experience in Fall. Much different, this love is urgent and ferocious. As I bask in the glow that is unseasonably warm weather I reminisce without any real intention. My mind truly creates it's own journey which I respect and abhor but who am I kidding, I need these lessons. As I'm looking at the trees, no longer barren, but with bulbs of life ready to bloom I think back to Spring past and ask myself, how is life different this year; what have you accomplished? Sadly this year I am disheartened by the answers. I knew this moment was coming and now I have to stare it in the eye. Shit or get off the pot. I choose to shit. This is all so very scary to me. I have so many things I wish to accomplish. Still I ask myself, why not today? The answer changes but the sentiment remains the same. I'm staring down 31 and even things that are unchanged look different under the gleam of a crows feet eye. I made the first move towards change today and for today that will have to be enough because when the weight of my mind oozes to my shoulders nothing else feels right.