Thursday, June 24, 2010

Muse On





You ever have those moments when you ponder things insignificant, excessively? Well here's another one.

First up:
Lady Gaga. Can we call it quits now? Being different and off beat is great -- as long as its who you are. Now I will admit, you're a marketing genius. Light years away from the dark haired piano girl, you set yourself apart from the pack but now it's half past ridiculous. You already have our attention, no need to beg for it. Oh and your outfit at your sisters graduation...tsk, tsk.

Little Jus aka Justin Bieber aka Biebs
I'm fully aware that writing anything about Biebs might get me killed...those little girls are like a lip gloss mafia but this has to be said. Justin (I'm sure you've heard this before) you have the haircut of a Midwestern lesbian and while it isn't necessarily wrong, I'm concerned. You see, every time you whip that hair around, I think you're gonna break your neck. Hey, I get it. I used to have hair too and I UNDERSTAND. Once we get our hair perfect we don't want to touch it but it's not worth your life. Stop the head whip.

Mika, Mika, Mika ---Brzezinski
I'm a Morning Joe watcher...when its not getting on my nerves or I'm not taking a much needed break from the non-sense fuckery that is politics and most of the time, I enjoy you. You're clearly intelligent, for God's sake, your father is Zbigniew. Why then do you allow Joe to dominate every point? Yes, I know he likes to wow us with tales of his Congressional days and reaching across the aisle and I know its his show but sometimes Mika, sometimes, you gotta put your pump down and be firm.

Wishy Washy Weight Watchers
I see you after some unknown length of time and I've gained weight. Luckily you're quick to let me know while giving me helpful hints to get "back on track." Fine, I'll take your hints but...you're a little suspect. Do you know why? Well because you ran into someone else who had at least 50lbs on me but who'd just lost a sizable amount of weight and they looked "fantastic." How about this, next time you see me and say "You've put on weight" my reply will be "I've recently lost 75lbs." Then you'll go barking up another tree while singing my praises. Or maybe I'll offer this solution, how about I gain an additional 15lbs so that there's more of my ass for you to kiss when I offer it to you. Yeah, I think I'll go with that.

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